How Unrealistic Expectations of Moms Is Ruining Your Journey
There are many unrealistic expectations of mothers these days. In this blog, learn how these unrealistic expectations of moms is ruining your motherhood experience and how you can push through to be the best mom you can be!
Unrealistic expectations of moms in our culture are so ridiculous, it’s causing moms to not even enjoy being a mom! And motherhood is one of the most rewarding, if not THE most rewarding, experiences a woman can go through. But in today’s society, these crazy expectations of mom and the pressure to be “perfect” has reached overwhelming levels. These unrealistic expectations can make your motherhood journey feel more like a never-ending marathon than a fulfilling life experience. You might often well “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” like you can’t win or ever do anything right. In this blog, we’ll dive into what these unrealistic expectations are, how they’re negatively impacting your entire motherhood experience, and then I’ll offer 10 practical ways to push past them to become the best mom you can be. Keep reading!
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The Unrealistic Expectations of Moms
If you often feel like you can never do it right, you’re not alone. We live in a time where everyone has very strong opinions, but not only that, there is a platform to voice those opinions loudly. So if you feel terrible because you homeschool or public school, work or don’t work, have a hobby or don’t have one, feed your kid sugar or don’t, you’re in good company! It often feels like whatever choices your making for your children is wrong in some way. This is a safe community here and I’m going to help you out mama so you can truly enjoy your journey! Here are just a few unrealistic expectations of moms you might experience:
Being Perfect in Every Role
Society expects moms to be perfect in every single role. This includes, wife, mother, employee, friend, sister, and more. The expectation is that you can juggle all these roles flawlessly, without missing a beat. And do it all completely alone!
Always Having a Spotless Home
There’s a common belief that a “good mom” always has a clean, organized home. Plus tack on always having the laundry folded, dishes washed, and toys neatly put away. I don’t know who decided this, but it’s wrong.
Raising Perfect Children
Moms are often expected to raise well-behaved, intelligent, and accomplished children, without any hiccups along the way. No one ever talks about that everyone’s definition of “well-behaved” and “accomplished” is different, just like every child and mother is. If you have a toddler who tantrums in public, you’re actually normal. Or if you have a baby who wants to constantly nurse or sleep with you, also normal. Don’t worry about “perfect.”
Looking Put Together
The pressure to look put together, with perfect hair, makeup, and a stylish outfit, even while caring for children, is another unrealistic standard. I mean, I’m all for getting ready for the day, like taking a shower and getting out of pajamas, but I’m in no means wedding-ready on a daily basis. If you show up to school pick up in leggings, a sweatshirt, and a messy bun, you’re doing just fine!
Doing It All Without Help
The idea that a “supermom” does everything herself—caring for the kids, managing the household, and possibly even working outside the home—without any help is deeply ingrained in our culture. We live in a time where our “mom village” doesn’t exist, yet we moms are expected to do all the things moms with a village did and more.
Bouncing Back After Birth
New moms often feel pressured to quickly return to their pre-pregnancy body and resume all their previous activities, as if nothing has changed. As if having a baby and whopping internal wound is no big deal. The pressure to “get your body back” and be who you were before kids is literally impossible!
Always Being Available
There’s an expectation that mothers should always be available for their children, regardless of their own needs or mental health. We also live in a culture obsessed with phones and instant gratification, which doesn’t help.
Being Emotionally Stable at All Times
Moms are expected to always be patient, calm, and never lose their temper, even in the most stressful situations. Hello! We are humans still, even if we’re moms! And all the unrealistic expectations put on moms is actually causing us to feel emotionally unstable quite often.😅
Always Enjoying Motherhood
The notion that you should always be loving every moment of motherhood, even the tough ones, is a heavy and unrealistic burden. There are so many difficult parts of motherhood that it’s hard to enjoy. And feeling like we should only causes extreme mom guilt.
Never Needing a Break
Finally, the idea that good moms don’t need breaks or time away from their children is a pervasive and harmful expectation! Who ever decided that moms shouldn’t get a break? If you work a “real job” you’re offered a one to two hours a day for a break.
How These Unrealistic Expectations of Moms Are Ruining the Motherhood Experience
These unrealistic expectations can lead to immense pressure, stress, and guilt, which can overshadow the joys of motherhood. Here’s how they can negatively impact your mama experience:
Chronic Stress and Burnout
Trying to meet these impossible standards can lead to chronic stress and eventually burnout, making it difficult to enjoy your time with your children.
Constant Feelings of Guilt
When you inevitably fall short of these expectations, feelings of guilt and inadequacy can set in, which can affect your self-esteem and mental health.
Lack of Genuine Connection
When you’re always striving for perfection, it can be hard to be present and truly connect with your children, missing out on meaningful moments.
Suppressed Emotions
The pressure to remain emotionally stable can lead to suppressed emotions, which can eventually boil over in unhealthy ways. Hello mom burnout…
Isolation and Loneliness
The expectation to do it all without help can lead to feelings of isolation, as you may avoid reaching out for support when you need it most.
Physical and Mental Exhaustion
The pressure to look put together, have a clean home, and be available 24/7 can lead to physical and mental exhaustion, making it difficult to care for yourself and your family.
Loss of Identity
The constant focus on being a perfect mom can lead to a loss of personal identity, as you may neglect your own needs, interests, and passions.
Fear of Judgment
Worrying about judgment from others can prevent you from making choices that are best for your family, leading to increased anxiety and self-doubt.
Increased Anxiety
The relentless pressure to be perfect can contribute to heightened anxiety, affecting both your mental health and your ability to enjoy motherhood.
Missed Joy
By focusing so much on meeting these expectations, you may miss out on the small, joyful moments that make motherhood special!
10 Ways to Push Past Unrealistic Expectations
If you just read how all those unrealistic expectations of moms are ruining your experience and feel angry, then keep reading! Those things should make you feel mad, that our society has put so much on mothers without offering any kind of support. It’s ridiculous and unfair. So here are 10 ways you can push through this unrealistic expectations and truly enjoy your motherhood journey, the way you and your family deserves to enjoy it!
1. Set Realistic Goals
Accept that perfection is unattainable and set realistic, manageable goals for yourself and your family. Often times, when you have young toddlers and babies, those goals might just be “make it through the day.” But all humor aside, remember that at the end of the day you kept a tiny human alive and everything you did all day mattered.
2. Embrace Imperfection
Recognize that imperfection is a normal part of life and that it’s okay to have days where things don’t go as planned. It’s also ok to have a bad day, because you are human and can’t be “on” all the time. Perfection is not attainable and that’s ok. Don’t be so hard on yourself!
3. Prioritize Self Care
Ignore what everyone says about what self care is and remember that it’s whatever makes you feel better! Then, make time for self care daily. Whether it’s a few minutes of quiet time, a hobby, or exercise, it all counts. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup and taking care of yourself IS taking care of your family.
4. Ask for Help
I know it’s hard (because of the unrealistic expectations our society has put on moms) but don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it! Whether it’s from your husband/partner, family, or friends, accepting help and support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
5. Focus on What Really Matters
Instead of trying to do everything and worrying about things out of your control, focus on what truly matters to you and your family. Start doing this by writing down your non-negotiables down to what you don’t really care about. Focus on the top of that list and let the rest go!
6. Connect with Other Moms
We live in a culture that pokes humor at being alone and not wanting to talk to other people. And it’s detrimental in many ways but mostly because we need people. Build a support network of other moms who understand the challenges of motherhood! Sharing your experiences can help you feel less alone. Sometimes you need to create your own group or village, but it’s important to make it happen.
7. Practice Gratitude
It’s easy to dwell on all the negative things in our life. But when you focus on the positives, things change for the better. By practicing gratitude daily you can grow your positive attitude. This can help shift your mindset and reduce feelings of inadequacy.
8. Limit Social Media
Let’s face it, social media is a love-hate relationship for so many of us. And many times, I feel like so many problems stem from social media. While you can make great connections with it, it can also exacerbate feelings of inadequacy. Limit your time on social platforms, or unfollow accounts that make you feel less than!
9. Be Kind to Yourself
At the end of the day, be kind to you. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion that you would offer a friend who is struggling. If you wouldn’t say something to a friend or your child, don’t say it to yourself either!
10. Celebrate Small Wins
Acknowledge and celebrate the small victories in your day-to-day life. All you did all day was keep your kids alive? WIN! Clean your house from top to bottom? WIN! It all matters. These little moments of success add up and can help shift your perspective so you can forget the unrealistic expectations put on moms and truly enjoy your motherhood journey!
Final Thoughts
It’s not secret our society has somehow created the crazy expectations of millennial moms. But we’re also millennial moms, and we’re known to break through ceilings.😉 By acknowledging and pushing past these unrealistic expectations, you can reclaim your motherhood journey and focus on what truly matters, like building a loving, joyful, and fulfilling life for yourself and your family! We can be the generation that knows these expectations are ridiculous and help our daughters so they don’t have to deal with this someday.
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