The Invisible Load Of Motherhood

Alessandra | Posted on June 5, 2025 |

The mental load in a mom’s brain is neverending! In this blog learn about the invisible load of motherhood, why you’re always tired, and what you can do about it.

You know that feeling of being completely exhausted, even when you technically didn’t “do much” that day? And by “do much” I mean, like you stayed home and took care of your babies. You weren’t running around outside the house, you didn’t exercise, or take a day trip. You simply mommed all day and you’re exhausted. That’s the way the invisible load of motherhood will make you feel.

It’s the kind of labor that doesn’t get clocked, noticed, or rewarded, but it sure keeps the entire household running. And it’s a big reason so many moms feel depleted, unseen, and overwhelmed. In this blog, we’ll take a look at what the invisible load of motherhood truly is and how you can deal with it all when you feel like giving up. Keep reading!

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What Is The Invisible Load of Motherhood?

You may have heard the term the invisible load of motherhood, but you might be unsure what it truly means. To me, it’s the mental, emotional, and logistical labor of motherhood that typically goes unnoticed. It’s not the stuff you put on a chore chart. It’s not the meal planning, the constant cleaning, the pee on the toilet seat, or the endless laundry. The invisible load of motherhood is all the stuff you carry in your mind, all day long.

It’s scheduling and remembering everyone’s appointments. It’s knowing when everyone last pooped. Tracking growth spurts, snack preferences, and which shoes no longer fit. It’s wondering when the last time you changed the bedsheets was, if someone needs to go the dentist, and if you have sunscreen prepared for the start of summer. It’s remembering birthday parties and gifts, the next PTA meeting, and sending permission slips back to school. It is the work that doesn’t stop. Ever. It’s your brain being on all the time for everyone else.

Examples of the Invisible Work Moms Do

Managing the family schedule – doctor visits, school events, birthday parties, grocery runs, meal plans.
Noticing what needs restocking – diapers, snacks, laundry detergent, toilet paper, formula, shampoo.
Soothing emotions – your toddler’s tantrum, your partner’s bad day, your own anxiety (that you silently push down).
Anticipating needs before they arise – pre-packing snacks, bringing the extra pair of clothes when you go out, knowing bedtime will be harder because of missed naps.
Being the default – for sick days, school calls, forgotten lunch boxes and water bottles. All the things.

This work is constant and often invisible to everyone else around it because it takes up space in your brain 24/7. You never say these things out loud, they are just “magically” done because you’re a mom and that’s what you do.

Why It’s So Exhausting

The invisible load of motherhood is so extremely exhausting because it doesn’t have a clock-out time. Your brain is always running. You don’t get a paycheck or a performance review obviously and no one applauds you for remembering picture day or for catching that your child is coming down with something before the fever hits.

And although you probably never expect anyone to notice ths, because you’re a mom, it’s still a kind of mental load that wears on you over time. It explains why you can feel exhausted even if the house looks calm and nothing “major” has happened all week. It’s not in your head, it’s all real labor of course and sometimes it gets tiring feeling so under appreciated.

How To Deal With The Invisible Load of Motherhood

You’re not alone if you sometimes just feel overwhelmed and unappreciated. You deserve recognition (at least once in a while) because it feels nice and reminds you why you’re doing this all. Here are a few ways to start shifting the weight so that the invisible load of motherhood can be lifted from your shoulders, even just a little bit.

1. Name it

Say what’s bothering you out loud or maybe just write it down. Talk about it with your husband/partner, a friend, or therapist. Just putting a name to it all can feel validating and help you breathe a little better.

2. Share the load

Remember, even if you are the default parent, you don’t have to carry it all. It’s ok to ask for help and to let your husband/partner or older kids do more. They can learn to notice and do more of the mental load, not just physical tasks.

3. Outsource when possible

Outsourcing some things can be super helpful! Whether it’s a free option, like grocery delivery or a rotating meal plan, or hiring a mother’s helper or house cleaner, small systems make a big difference!

4. Write it down

This simple habit can pack a big punch! Write things down in a notebook or planner. Don’t let your brain be the only place things live. Make checklists, family calendars, or use apps to track the million things you’re juggling. When you write it down, you won’t have to constantly be thinking of things and remembering things which will help you feel more at ease.

5. Give yourself credit

Just because it’s not visible doesn’t mean it doesn’t count. The invisible load of motherhood is REAL so celebrate the quiet, behind-the-scenes work you do because it keeps your family going. It matters, a lot! And even if your kids don’t seem appreciative, they are.

Final Thoughts

Motherhood isn’t just the things we do. It’s everything we think about, plan for, and hold together silently. At the end of the day, the invisible load of motherhood will probably always be there because we’re moms and holding up our families is what we do. But you also don’t have to carry the load alone. Remember it’s ok to ask for help and to outsource if you want.

Ultimately, remember that you’re not tired because you’re weak. You’re tired because you’re carrying an entire ecosystem in your mind and heart. And if no one’s told you lately, thank you for the invisible work!! You are seen. You are an incredible mom. And you deserve rest, compassion, and community.

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