After School Restraint Collapse Is Real: Here’s How To Deal With It

Alessandra | Posted on September 4, 2023 |

Does your child get home from school and just completely melt down? Do you wonder to yourself “what happened to my sweet child?” I know exactly how you feel. In this blog I’m sharing how we deal with after school restraint collapse.

It’s that time of year again and after school restraint collapse is a buzz term you’ve probably heard. Or if you haven’t, this blog will teach you what it is. Either way, I’m going to dig into what it is and how I deal with it as a stay at home mom.

This year I have 2 kids in full day school! They are in 3rd and 1st grade. It’s so crazy and I’ve been twiddling my thumbs wondering what to do with myself during the day with one child. It’s a bittersweet feeling having kids in school. It’s nice and quiet during the day, I can get way more done, and running errands with one child is heavenly. But at the same time, I miss my older kids like crazy and well, I didn’t have three kids because I like the quiet! It’s a big adjustment and it’s just weird. And it’s important to remember that it’s a huge adjustment for your kids too. It’s hard for them to be away from their parents all day long.

The biggest con to school though, in my opinion, is after school restraint collapse. If you have a child who comes home from school and:

Melts down easily
You feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him/her
Is a ticking time bomb because you never know what might set him/her off

Then this blog is for you! Keep reading mama, you are NOT alone, your child is NOT abnormal. I am going to help you out!

What is After School Restraint Collapse

When your child is in school all day, they are most likely holding in all their emotions. They are containing themselves. They might not want to cry in front of friends or teachers out of embarrassment or they won’t yell at anyone because they know it’s wrong. Your child might get hurt on the playground and wipe it off. They might get embarrassed in the classroom because they got an answer wrong and they smiled and let it go. So after school restraint collapse is when they get home and all those big emotions they held in all day just come tumbling out. They are like a rollercoaster of emotions and you get the brunt of it, unfortunately.

Although it is unfortunate for us mamas, the reason moms get the brunt of our child’s emotions of because we are their SAFE PLACE. Kids know their moms are the one person they can take everything out on and still be loved. So, one way for you to deal with this raw and very frustrating emotions is to change your mindset and know that you get your child’s emotions because they love you most in the world and know you can handle it.

Now that you know what after school restraint collapse is, let’s dive into a few ways you can deal with it and help your child!

Tips to Deal With After School Restraint Collapse

Here are a few detailed ways you can deal with this challenging behavior that may present itself after school. It might be easy to lose your cool, but after having one child who struggled after school for nearly his entire first grade year, I learned that I needed to stay as calm as possible and that less is more.

1. Create an afternoon routine together

Creating a routine together with your child will give them some control over their afternoon. After a day of being told what to do, allowing your child to do what they want (to a certain extent) can be helpful for everyone. With an afternoon routine, they will know what to expect after school and have something to look forward to.

2. Don’t ask your child how their day was

I know this probably sounds weird and counterintuitive but hear me out. The second my kids get in the car I don’t say “how was your day!?” Because they don’t want to talk about it immediately, even if I do. They want to decompress and not think about school. So instead, I give my kids a hug and say “I missed you today!” Then I let the talk about school come organically on their terms. If they still don’t talk much about it, I’ll ask them at dinner instead. But overall, I talk less and listen more.

3. Have a snack ready right after school

No talking, just snacking LOL! But seriously, they are HUNGRY after a full day of school. So I have a snack ready in the car pickup line for my kids. If your child takes the bus, I highly recommend having a healthy snack ready for them right when they get off the bus. I’ve even heard of some moms giving their children dinner right after school (around 3:30 or 4:00) too. You could give this a try and see how it works for you. My kids are such creatures of habit that an “early dinner” is basically appalling to them.

4. No TV or screen time when they get home

You probably want to relax with your kids after school on the couch, but I really think turning the TV on gets them way too stimulated and even more on-edge. In my opinion, waiting to turn on the TV or attempting to not watch it at all is better for their mood. Instead, offer an activity or play outside. If you add in a special game or activity into their routine they also won’t expect TV so it won’t be a big deal. I usually tell my kids to play with their toys because they didn’t get to all day. I found that once they were in their room for bedtime they wanted to play with their toys when they should’ve made time for it right after school. If the TV does go on, it’s when I’m making dinner only.

5. Spend time outside

Again, nothing bad ever came from kids playing outside. Ever. Take a walk, a bike ride, or stop at the park after school so your kids can get out some energy. It’s so beneficial or their mental and physical health!

6. Go to bed early

Last, but certainly not least, make sure your kids are in bed early and are getting enough sleep. I’m not a sleep expert, but I do know that kids need A LOT of sleep. My 1st grader is in bed by 7 on school nights. My 3rd grader is in bed by 8. They need 10-12 hours of sleep, so even if they aren’t going right to sleep at those times, they are at least relaxing and getting to sleep earlier. I also have early risers, they are up around 6:30 AM and it doesn’t matter if they go to bed at 7 or 10:30, they will always wake up that early. So an early bedtime is crucial for us. Create a great bedtime routine and you’ll be good to go!

Final thoughts

After school behaviors are TOUGH for moms and kids. But these tips can help make after school restraint collapse easier to deal with. Here’s a quick summary of what you need to do after school to make it a breeze (instead of a hurricane!)

Create an afterschool routine
Less talking, more listening
All the snacks
No TV/screen time
Get outside
Go to bed early

There you have it! I hope you find this helpful for dealing with your child’s BIG feelings after school. I know how hard it can be and how frustrating it can feel when your sweet child isn’t acting like themselves. I felt true heartbreak some days because I just didn’t know what to do and felt like I never did anything right. It took time to adjust and figure out an great afternoon routine that worked. And speaking of that, if you sign up for my email list, I’ll send you a daily schedule template to help you plan out your day! You’ll get my schedule as an example and a blank template to fill out yourself…because schedules and routines only work when they work for you!

Related Blogs:

I’m routine and schedule obsessed! Below are links to other blogs you can check out and find the right one for you (if you can’t, then try searching for one, and if you still can’t find what you’re looking for then you can email me and I’ll gladly help you out!)

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