Mom Village: The Real Reason It Doesn’t Exist Anymore
If you’re wondering where that mom village is that you heard you need, you’re not alone. In this blog I’m sharing my opinion on why you can’t find one anymore.
Since becoming a mom you’ve probably heard that age old adage about needing a mom village. Your mom village will help you raise your child and will be there for you. It’s supposed to teach everything you need to know about motherhood. It seems like a paradise almost, but then you become a mom and the village is no where to be found. Where did it go? In this blog I’m sharing my opinion on why I think the mom village no long exists. Plus learn what you can do about it.
What’s a Mom Village?
I’m glad you asked! A mom village is a group for moms that provides a way to connect with other moms. It helps moms to learn and grow, and have help with her baby or babies. “Back in the day” a mom village was literally that, a small group of women in the same village. Generations of families usually lived together, women stayed home with their children but were all together. Grandmothers, great grandmothers, aunts, and sisters typically lived together, or at least close together. They would spend days together doing their chores and taking care of each other’s children while men worked.
As times changed and women started going to work too, the village started to change. But I don’t think this is quite why the village disappeared. Even when women began working, visiting loved ones was still a big thing through the 90s. It wasn’t unheard of to just show up at people’s houses unannounced. Guests were welcomed and some families still lived together.
I have 2 theories of why the mom village has disappeared and I’m sharing them below. Keep reading to let me know what you think!
Why The Mom Village Vanished: Theory 1
My first theory of why mom villages don’t exist anymore, is everyone trying to “break the cycle.” While I totally understand where this comes from, and I have nothing against people putting their own immediate families in better positions or doing things differently than how childhood was for themselves, the fact that people are cutting ties with their family is one theory. Women are distancing themselves from their own mothers and extended families, taking that automatic and biological village away.
Like I said, I totally get that some people need to leave abusive relationships, even if that’s family. But even detaching from our ancestors is part of the reason why the mom village is gone. There’s a difference between ending an abusive relationship though and ending a relationship solely because you didn’t like the way you were raised. Our parents and their parent’s before that, and so, all did the best they could with the information they had while raising us. Our generation can still break cycles while staying and rebuilding relationships with our parents and grandparents.
Why The Mom Village Vanished: Theory 2
My next theory on why mom villages are gone is there’s just no camaraderie anymore. Everyone thinks their way is the only way, the best way, and everyone else is doing it wrong. People are so loud about their views but don’t want to hear about anyone else’s. They want to live in their own little bubble without the help of anyone else, because they think their child will be “damaged” by learning another point of view. (News flash: They won’t.)
And on the opposite end of this, moms who DO ask for help (which is hard for so many of us) are shunned for it. Like “you wanted kids, you don’t need help.” So when we actually do gain the courage to ask for help, the people around us don’t want to help because this is “what we asked for” not what they asked for. So there’s a “why should I help” mentality. Ultimately, no one actually wants to help out moms or couples, even if it is their own family and friends.
I’m not saying this is always the case, but it does happen!
What You Can Do About It
The good news about this is, you can still have a mom village. It’s just a little bit harder or different to get. You need to create your own village and work hard to maintain it. And your village can still be your family!!
Or your village might be a group of friends, your daycare or babysitters, or neighbors. Your village might even be your child’s school. But ultimately we still need people to help us watch out for our kids. So make sure you have a few other moms in your corner who you love and trust.
Final Thoughts
We still need a village, no matter how it’s created! It’s ok for our kids to learn and grow from other people, even if we don’t have the same exact point of view on things. It’s beautiful to learn from others because it teaches us and our children to be open minded. And even though we’re all different we can love and respect others for having opinions that are different from our own!! That is how we teach our kids to grow in their own mutual relationships.
We need connection, all humans do, and our kids deserve to grow up with multiple adults in their life who they trust and can rely on (whether they are related or not) during hard times and happy times! Let me know what you think of this in the comments, because I think this is an important topic to discuss in our generation.
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