How To Be A Calm Mom In A Realistic Way

Alessandra | Posted on October 10, 2025 |

The stress of motherhood can leave any mom wondering where her patience is. Staying calm as a mom isn’t always easy, but there are ways to help. In this blog I’m giving my best tips for how to be a calm mom so you can show up better!

If you’re wondering how to be a calm mom, you’re not alone! We all have our moments and let’s be real, motherhood and calmness don’t always go hand in hand. When you’re juggling snacks, meltdowns, laundry piles, and activities, while running on fumes it’s no wonder you lose your cool sometimes. Let me remind you again, it happens! But I’m sure you’ve read every parenting book out there that tells you to “just stay calm.” Which makes you feel even less calm. Because when your toddler is painting the dog with peanut butter, that’s easier said than done!

Here’s the good news though: being a calm mom doesn’t mean you never lose your patience! It’s about creating realistic habits that help you manage the chaos without pretending life is picture-perfect. As a mom of 3, I’m all about keeping it real so let’s talk about practical ways to find your calm, even when it feels impossible.

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Why It’s Hard for Moms to Stay Calm Sometimes

Let’s be real honest…Staying calm as a mom is tough for many reasons, but I think one of the main ones is because you’re constantly “on.” There’s little to no downtime, your needs often get pushed to the bottom of the list, and kids have a magical way of testing patience when you’re already stretched thin. Add in the lack of sleep, the mental load (thinking about everything all at once), and the unrealistic expectations society puts on moms, and it’s no wonder we lose our cool sometimes. If you’ve ever felt like you “should” be calmer but just can’t figure it out, you’re not failing. I promise! It just means you’re human. Keep reading for my best tips as a stay at home mom of 3, for how to stay a little calmer.

overwhelmed woman sitting at computer desk

How To Be A Calm Mom

All right, let’s dive in! I’m all about realistic parenting tips, and that’s no different when it comes to being a calm mom. Let’s discuss my favorite realistic tips to help you find your calm when you’re ready to blow smoke out of your ears. Keep reading and make sure to let me know which tips you’ll be using for yourself!

1. Breathe First, React Second

Sounds cliché, but it can work. As moms we can be quick to react in a moment, especially if it’s the hundredth time your child has yelled “mama” this morning. The next time your kids are testing your patience, pause and take one deep breath before responding. That tiny pause helps your brain switch gears so you don’t snap (as quickly). Is it foolproof? Nope. But it does buy you a few seconds to collect yourself and allows you to react the way you’d rather act.

2. Lower the Bar (Seriously)

Lower your expectations for everything to about zero. If your vision of being a calm mom involves a spotless house, gourmet meals, and kids who never whine, you’re setting yourself up for stress. The calm you want often comes from adjusting expectations. Let the dishes sit for now, say yes to frozen pizza, and remember that done is better than perfect. You being present (and a calmer version of yourself) is better than a perfect mom.

3. Have a “Reset Button” Routine

Sometimes we need a quick reset. When you feel like you’re about to lose it, create a go-to reset for yourself. This can be anything that helps you feel better, but here are a few examples: Maybe it’s stepping into the bathroom for 30 seconds to breathe, putting on music, or grabbing a glass of water. A mini-break can shift your energy before things spiral. Thinking about yourself isn’t selfish either, it’s the first step to allow yourself to show up as the mom you want to be.

4. Laugh at the Chaos

Sometimes having fun doesn’t come naturally for some moms. (Hi! It’s me!) But really, kids are hilarious! Even when they’re driving you to rip your hair out. If you can find humor in the mess (like when your kid cuts their own hair right before picture day), you’ll naturally feel calmer. Sometimes laughing is the only sane option. And you know what they say, “if you’re not laughing, you’re crying.” So find some shifts in yourself and let loose a lil’ bit, mama!

5. Take Care of You Too

Again, you matter, so take care of you! It’s impossible to stay calm if you’re running on fumes. You know because you stayed up until 2 AM to watch your favorite show then only had coffee and your kids leftover breakfast. Self care doesn’t have to be hard and it’s going to help you pour into your family better if you’re feeling better. Therefore, you gotta sleep (as much as you can), hydrate, and do something daily that makes you feel like you, not just “mom.” A calmer mom starts with a cared-for mom!

6. Let Go of the Guilt

Kiss mom guilt goodbye because it’s a choice and you need to choose to let it go. You will lose your cool sometimes. Every mom does and that’s normal. What matters most is how you recover and repair! Apologize to your kids when needed and move on. Then remind yourself you’re human and everyone has their moments. A calm mom isn’t perfect, she’s resilient! Plus, what are our kids learning if we seem “perfect” all the time? They’re learning that we all make mistakes and they’re learning how to say sorry for them and fix it! That’s pretty cool, if you ask me.

7. Tag in Support When You Can

Sometimes we just have bad days, or we have teeange-like mood swings. If you’re having one of those days, wave your white flag and ask for help. If your husband/partner, a friend, or family member can step in for even 10 minutes so you can take a break, then take the break. Calmness is a lot easier to maintain when you’re not running the whole show alone, nonstop.

Final Thoughts

Being a calm mom doesn’t mean being perfect. It isn’t about floating through motherhood like a Zen master either. It’s about finding realistic ways to stay grounded when life feels loud and messy. Some days you’ll keep your cool, and other days you’ll yell into a pillow (or. not). That’s all normal. What matters is that you’re trying, you care, and you keep coming back with love. Motherhood is overwhelming at times, but remember this: your kids don’t need a perfect mom, they just need you. And as long as you keep showing up, even on your most chaotic days, you’re still exactly who they need! You’ve got this, mama.

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