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I Never Thought I Would Miss Breastfeeding…But I Do

“Nope, no more babies after Mallory. I never want to breastfeed again!” I distinctly remember saying that to so many people after my daughter was born. Of course, I was in the rough of it…early mornings, middle-of-the-night wake ups, leaky boobs, constant worry if she was getting enough. The days they say you’ll forget, but really do we ever?

I know they say, “Enjoy these moments, they fly by!” but in the moment that’s SO hard to do! You’re tired, you’re hungry, you’re in pain, you’re giving your whole self to this baby who cries a lot. Actually…All. The. Time. I couldn’t wait to be done breastfeeding from the day I started. I know— totally bad outlook on it all.

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But, I admit, I grew to like it a lot. We both did. It took some time…well, A LOT of time. But it got easier and I truly did enjoy it. It endured 2 tongue-tie revisions, many weight checks, and almost weekly help from an IBCLC. But we pushed through and we did it!

After giving up breastfeeding so quickly with Roman, I was determined to make it work this time with Mallory. I had so much more knowledge about breastfeeding this time. I knew it was a lot of work, I knew it was freaking hard, and mostly I knew this time to ASK FOR HELP.

My daughter was about 14 months when she stopped nursing. She was just not interested anymore. I began the weaning process when she turned 1 and once she was nursing mornings and nights only, I remember thinking to myself, “this works, I could continue this for a while.”

But Mallory had other plans. Even though I began the weaning process, she was the one who ultimately chose to be done. One morning I sat with her in our rocking chair and she just didn’t want to nurse that day. She wanted to play with her brother instead. I remember trying to force her to nurse, just one more time. Haha! But nope…I vividly remember her pushing away from and unsteadily running out her bedroom door, laughing. I had longed for this day, but I also didn’t want it to come.

Honestly, I never thought I’d say it, but I miss breastfeeding. I miss those moments together, night and day, nursing my baby girl. Those constant cuddles, that are so few and far between now. I truly miss it.

So to you mama, who’s reading this while you nurse your baby for the 4th time tonight, you’re amazing and you’re doing it! I know you’re tired, and leaky, and emotional…but trust me (I know you’re probably laughing at me right now) you will miss this!

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The day will come when your baby won’t want to nurse anymore and you will celebrate—as you should! But then, once it sets in, you’ll miss it. So try and enjoy it now, mama….because it really is a fleeting moment that will be gone before you know it.

If you’re a breastfeeding mom and you need a little help, I highly recommend finding a lactation consultant (the are angels on earth!) I would not have nursed Mallory for 14 months without the help of many visits with one.

You can also check out this amazing place for moms, The Parent Collective. They offer many courses online and in their space from preparing for labor & delivery, to playing with your baby. If you want to check out their breastfeeding support course click here.

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